Heartache

Like most of my friends and family yesterday, I was feeling pretty great when I headed off to the polls. This has been an often tense and downright bizarre race, but I was confident in my choice, confident in my country, confident that we would make history. 

Like most of my friends and family last night, I was watching the election coverage w/ a mixture of confusion and apprehension. Call me naïve, but I was half expecting Clinton to have it in the bag by 9 or 10pm, before the polls even closed on the west coast, because, hello, have you heard her opponent? I fell asleep watching the coverage on CNN and went to bed to a troubled and restless sleep. Brent was traveling for work today and his alarm went off at 3:40am. I immediately checked my phone, sure I would see headlines like Clinton Clinches Election! and America’s First Female President! My stomach sank as I read the actual headline and saw who our next President would be. 

So many feelings are flashing through my mind today: anger, fear, anxiety, shame, confusion. But the one foremost in my heart is sadness. I’m utterly shocked by how this country, my country, a country that was born from those escaping oppression and pursuing freedom, has elected a figure that is, at the very nature of his platform, against that. I’m truly saddened for what lies ahead for this country, a country so many have died to protect, when someone like Donald Trump is calling the shots.

I’m not going to pretend that I’m political, even a little, but I was raised to know right and wrong. People think that Hillary is a liar and a crook, but, newsflash, that’s politics. If you don’t like her, that’s your prerogative, but how can you honestly think Trump was the better candidate? Even if you ignore the fact that he has zero experience and think he might be a breath of fresh air to the whole scandalous politician stereotype, how can you ignore what he’s said about anyone who’s different than him? Muslims, immigrants, blacks, Hispanics, LGBTQ, handicapped, women; he’s done the unthinkable, belittled them all, behind their backs and on live television, and was just given the keys to the White House. And that’s wrong, no two ways about it.

To think how naïve I was, that just b/c I didn’t know anyone voting for Trump, that it wouldn’t happen. To think that I went to bed last night, nervous as I was, in my heart thinking that I would wake up to see our country’s first female President. How lucky I was that I’ve only voted in three Presidential Elections in my lifetime, two of which changed history and shattered stereotypes. 

My heart hurts for my country. My thoughts and prayers are w/ those who are truly scared for their future here, whose future, under this man, is so unclear. I hope Trump and his cabinet will prove us wrong, prove all these frightening news articles and posts irrelevant and unnecessary. Hope is all some of us have now, hope that this election will not be the beginning of the end of this great country.