Tidings of Good Christmas Cookies

hot cocoa cookies FTW

I've got a confession to make: I love the song "Baby, It's Cold Outside." 

There's a war raging over this song, from radio stations banning it, to women proclaiming the lyrics problematic and promoting rape culture. I can't say I don't get it - "the answer is no" being a particularly damning lyric - but I refuse to see it that way. I'm all about being smarter and more open-minded than previous generations, but this song started as a party trick and I'm going to see it through that lens; harmless and in good fun.

These days I'm singing along to the man's part as I get all things Christmas ready for our families in a few days. My dessert menu includes cranberry upside down cake, chocolate peppermint whoopie pies, and enough cookies to feed Santa through 2019. Tis the season, so I don't feel bad about having dough on dough (on dough) piled in our basement refrigerator through next Christmas.

Since Christmas is all about the cookie, I wanted to share some foolproof tips to make sure yours are the most popular cookies in the swap. 

Go big or go home

First things first: people like big cookies. Oroes managed to work their way into our hearts because they're filled with artificial deliciousness, but that's the only cookie I'll give a pass to for being small. No one wants a cookie you bite through in two chomps; when I see a recipe say "roll out 1 tablespoon of dough per cookie" I want to tear my hair out. Big cookies look and taste better, it's just the science of baking.

Always add more mix-ins

So now you have these big, beautiful cookies, but the problem is, you're only getting a chocolate chip every third bite. Cookie recipes are woefully lacking in the mix-in ratios. Whatever you're adding - chocolate chips, walnuts, craisins, toffee bits - load it up! Make every bite burst with flavors and texture by adding more than the recipe calls for. For the beloved classics like chocolate chips, double the amount. For other mix-ins, like nuts or fruit, start with adding half a cup more and see how your dough comes together.

Double the recipe

Here's a problem; have you ever scaled out all your ingredients, painstaking measured and mixed, just to get to the end and see your mixing bowl look a little lacking? Where the fuck are the fruits of my labor, I didn't eat that much dough! Most recipes yield what, a dozen cookies? Assuming you make them sad and puny? Stop wasting my time. A good rule of thumb on any basic, drop cookie dough: if it only calls for one egg, double it. If you're going anywhere with more than 4 people, double it. 

Use a portion scoop

Trying to eyeball a tablespoon of dough per cookie will not only leave you with measly cookies, it will also drive you bonkers trying to make them all the same size. Cookies should be uniform going into the oven so they bake evenly; smaller ones will burn while bigger ones are a mound of raw dough. Buy an ice cream scoop, bake bigger cookies, and start loving life. Win win win. 

Scoop before chilling

Almost all cookie dough should chill before baking to help prevent spread and promote nice thick cookies. Have you ever tried to portion a mound of cookie dough after a day in the fridge? No beuno, especially if there's melted chocolate in the recipe, which now had the time to harden back up and make your life miserable. There's almost no cookie dough that's too loose to scoop immediately, so do yourself a favor and scoop before you refrigerate.

Underbake

Disregard all my prior advice, make your cookies small and void of chocolate chips, but for the love of Santa and his reindeer, don't overbake them. Unless you're trying to get that perfect crunch for your gingersnaps, don't let your cookies bake golden brown. You want them to be brown at the very edges, barely set in the center, and unable to move from the baking sheet until fully cooled. Carryover cooking will continue to firm them up once they're out of the oven. People are always raving about my cookies, and I'm not even going to act like I have some special talent. Anyone can bake a good cookie, and this right here is the secret. 

Some final advice? Always bake on a silicone mat or parchment paper. Aluminum foil is no substitute here, even if you use pan spray. If you're baking a bunch of batches, stick your cookie sheets in the fridge in between; don't bake cookies on hot sheet trays. Sample all the cookie dough because that's the best part, especially while singing along to "Baby, It's Cold Outside."