A Very Serious Resolution Post

I don’t want to beat a dead horse here, but a bloggers gotta do what a bloggers gotta do. Especially a blogger who has been starving for content for years months. When a generic list opportunity like New Year’s resolutions presents itself, bloggers can’t be choosers. I know you’re all dying to know what my plans for 2016 are, and I aim to please. Don’t worry, my resolutions aren’t the surefire failures, like losing weight and saving money and finding happiness; I’m much smarter than that.

My resolutions are guaranteed to stick, just look at this list:

-Cut out sugar and alcohol, cold turkey

-No more fast food

-Work out at least five times a week

-Stop complaining about work

-Blog 2-3 times a week

To some, these might seem like some lofty aspirations; not to me. I spent the last month of 2015 gorging on sugar and booze and fast food to ensure an easy split in January. I skipped the gym pretty much all month so I would be chomping at the bit to go come the new year. As for work, I complained Brent’s ears off so he’d stop asking me how my day was and I wouldn’t even have the chance of going into a tirade. Resolutions are all about planning. 

What about the blogging resolution, you’re thinking. What did I do to up my game there? Let’s be real, blogging is the easiest thing on that list. I can churn out some posts my sisters will enjoy by just ranking Hallmark holiday movies or a recap of how Binx is adapting to our new basement. Blogging goals for next week, check and check.

To give you an idea of how serious I am, I’ll leave you w/ this anecdote. I was on the way to the gym yesterday, pepping myself up b/c everyone knows January at a gym is one of the inner circles of hell, and I needed some serious motivation. I skipped the cliches and the Pinterest motivational quotes, ridiculous things that I know will lead to failed resolutions and discouragement, and I went for the honest pep talk: 

“Look, you’re not going to be skinny anytime soon. You’ve got some real fatass tendencies and you’re prone to half-assing it. But if you can just lessen those fatass tendencies and give like, 75%, you might just lose the extra ten pounds you’ve been carrying around since your wedding.” 

The dark horse of the inspirational speech world, for sure, but no less effective. Watch out, 2016, I’m coming for you.