Tough Love For Brides

b/c doesn't this look like a bride w/ her shit together? whose wedding you want to emulate? 

Since we’re in the thick of wedding season, I’m here to offer some sage advice on the most important day of your life!!!!!

Just kidding, sage advice isn’t really my thing. Also, I don’t think a wedding is the most important day of your life. It’s the most expensive party you’ll ever throw, sure, but is a party really that significant? Oh right, the exchanging of vows and eternal commitment to your partner, yes, that is important. But I’m sure people who have kids say the day their kids were born was the most important day of their life, and reaching your childhood dream of collecting every beanie baby ranks pretty high on the list, and plenty of people don’t believe in marriage, so there’s all that to consider. 

Let me preface my recommendations by saying that this isn’t going to be one of those bridal magazine advice columns w/ clichés like “savor every moment!” and “ you only get married once!” You hear that trite advice over and over before the big day, so I’m going to tell you some things you wish you had heard. 

Do You 
This one was alternately titled “Fuck Pinterest.” It’s really hard to be a bride today in this multi-billion dollar wedding industry where everyone is trying to sell you something. It’s really hard not to get caught up in all of that and before you know it you’re losing sleep over what your colors should be and worried someone else will snap up your Instagram hashtag, while buying out all the mason jars and chalkboards and glitter you can fit in your house, which is now wedding central and your fiancé is wondering where his sane girlfriend went. Use Pinterest sparingly and focus on what matters: the ceremony, the guests, the memories. Forget about those adorable DIY favors and centerpieces and choreographed entrances and first dances, b/c ain’t nobody got time for that. If DIY is your thing, by all means, enjoy the process. But don’t feel like you have to be a bride you’re not. 

It’s Not All About You 
Lest I remind you, there is at least one other person you need to consider in all this planning: don’t forget about your fiancé. The stereotype about grooms not giving a shit is a little outdated; I know plenty of men who want to have a say in their wedding, since they’re spending a huge chunk of change on it. If you’re making it all about you, you’re going to have a pretty disgruntled partner to answer to after the dust settles. Also, maybe I’m particularly sensitive to this, since we’re usually traveling for the weddings we attend, but remember your guests. I’m not expecting a Michelin star chef or a fancy favor; I’m happy with easy directions to get to the ceremony and getting to talk to you in the receiving line. An open bar forgives all transgressions, like the DJ who won’t stop playing “We Are Family” and how I’m seated at table 19 and miles away from the cheese trays. 

It’s Only One Day 
Set a budget and stick to it. Forget anyone who tries to pressure you into an obscene purchase that’s the latest and greatest in wedding trends. If renting out that gorgeous vineyard/hiring Kate Middleton’s hairdresser/having an elephant carry you and your betrothed to the reception is the only thing standing between you and the wedding of your dreams, it might be time to let those dreams go. It’s one day and it’s not worth breaking the bank for. 

No One Else Cares As Much As You Do 
People care about you and your wedding, but they’re just excited to be there and witness a beautiful day. They’re not going to nitpick every. little. thing. I know this is an impossible ask for a bride-to-be, but you’ll do everyone a favor if you calm down a little. I promise you no one will notice that the ribbons on your bouquet don’t match the exact shade of your bridesmaids’ dresses, or that the flower girl missed her cue and is holding up the processional by two minutes, or that you asked for the bisque and the first course is coming out chowder. It’s not worth yelling at the florist/flower girl/caterer about. Take a deep breath and remember that it’s going to be over before you know it, so enjoy it while you can.