Road Rage Doesn't Suit You, Darling

I would consider myself an excellent driver. Yes, really. Not tootin’ my own horn (which I only do occasionally on the road) or anything. My dad was drill sergeant-esque about my sisters and I getting our licenses. Which we could only do after completing drivers ed and logging about 1000 practical hours of being in the car w/ him, which was about as fun as getting the mint from your mojito stuck in your teeth and not having a mirror on hand.

Basically, I kick ass in all things driving. I consider myself assertive w/out being aggressive (and yes, Brent, there’s a very important difference), which I don’t think these Massholes have gotten the hang of. Pretty much everyone here drives like an asshole (oh, now I get that state-proclaimed nickname): tailgating, laying on the horn for no reason, cutting you off just to drive 20mph; and don’t even get me started on the lack of people who use their signal. You’d think it was just a courtesy instead of a mandatory safety precaution the way everyone around here seems to forget about it.

I digress. 

So yesterday, I’m driving along (in the ten and two, no doubt) and I notice the car behind me is following much too closely for my liking. It’s some young chick in oversized sunglasses and what I can only assume is her daddy’s car. You’re in a rush b/c you didn’t give yourself enough time to get to your tanning appointment, not my problem. I can only go as fast as the cars in front of me, so GET OFF MY ASS, pleaseandthankyou.

She pulls in the left turn lane behind me at a major intersection, which unfortunately doesn’t have an advance green arrow for the poor schmuks in the left lane. So when the light turns green, I inch up and wait for a break in the oncoming cars so I can turn. I hear someone honking and look around to see what the problem is. The honking becomes more insistent and I look in my mirror and see the girl is gesturing wildly at me and pointing at the light. Excuse me, what would you like me to do? Cut off the cars w/ the right of way instead of yielding and waiting for a safe time to turn? I guess since everyone else drives like that, it must be okay. 

When there is finally a break in traffic, the light is going from yellow to red and I squeeze through just in time. I look in my mirror, fully expecting to see the bitch cruising through behind me, but she’s sitting there at the red light. And I laugh and laugh.