B to the O

I was on the stationary bike, catching up on People pedaling furiously, when I first smelled it. I sniffed my nose in the air and shrugged, trying to ignore it. I went back to the Fashion Face-Off, convinced that Kimmy K is walking around with a handful of hundreds, propositioning anyone with a camera to take her picture and then sending it to her batshit crazy doting momager who harasses every magazine in print, b/c homegirl is always in those face-offs.

But this scent would not be ignored. It lingered in my nostrils and flooded my nose. The stationary bikes are near the gym’s entrance, so there were people coming and going, but this odor had to be from someone close. Like, perhaps, the guy sitting next to me #justmyluck

Hey, I get it; we’re at the gym. Perspiring is preferred. There’s nothing quite like reaching your cool hand up under your damp shirt to wipe off some back sweat (don’t make that face like you haven’t done it).

I’m not insensitive to the plight of the girl who’s training for her first triathlon and gets off her treadmill looking like she just did the swimming portion. Or the guy who’s working on a PR for his big race this weekend. What I am unaware of is how you can smell THIS bad and not know. Like the guy next to me today.

I’ve smelled seen him before, but today was extra funky. Dude, you’re a grown man. I know you got the “your body is changing” talk in middle school, along with a travel-size SpeedStick. That assembly wasn’t just an excuse to skip math class.

BO just landed himself on my gym shit list, with the likes of “Always Late to Zumba Zorianna” and "Uses Phone on Treadmill Tanya" (aren't my passive-aggressive names so creative?). Which guarantees that he’ll be getting lots of dirty looks - and not much else. I’ve never been good at confrontation. If my list gets much longer, it might be easier to just find a new gym.