Attack of the Doughnut-Eating Potatoes
Last weekend B and I celebrated Halloween in the only way possible: by donning a ridiculous get-up and binging on alcohol and sugar. This weekend, we’ll be at it again. With different costumes, of course. We really stepped up our Halloween game this year. As evidenced by this picture.
Mean Girls really hit the nail on the head w/ that one. Turning your costume into a slutty version of whatever you were going as was fun for about, oh, one semester at college. Before you realized that October nights are cold as shit in Oswego. And the girl wearing the bandeau top as a skirt? Can’t dance w/out her ass hanging out. That girl in the midriff baring ensemble? Will be wishing she wasn’t as soon as she gets a little beer bloat going. Which is why both my costumes this year have been built around one simple concept:will I have to suck my belly in? Can I wear jeans w/ this?
The more casual approach was much appreciated as soon as I heard we were going to be eating doughnuts off a string. My initial reaction was, damn, I wish they were powdered doughnuts. After a beer or two, I was like, hmm, they were smart to go w/ the glazed. But do I really want to be mouth to mouth w/ these people, eating w/ my hands behind my back like some kind of animal? After three or four beers I was like, MUST EAT NOW!! WHERE IS DOUGHNUT??
Those poor party-goers didn’t know what they were up against. When my doughnut fell off the string, I dove after it like Angelina Jolie in a foreign orphanage. Turns out I’m pretty good at eating like an animal.
I wish there was a better picture of my win. One where I didn’t look like a marionette. I think I was going for the double high five in this pic? B was pretty excited for me when I won. He was even more excited to come in second. Bragging rights fo sho’.
What a pair, what a pair.
“In the regular world, Halloween is when children dress up in costumes and beg for candy. In Girl World, Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.”
Cady Heron
Mean Girls really hit the nail on the head w/ that one. Turning your costume into a slutty version of whatever you were going as was fun for about, oh, one semester at college. Before you realized that October nights are cold as shit in Oswego. And the girl wearing the bandeau top as a skirt? Can’t dance w/out her ass hanging out. That girl in the midriff baring ensemble? Will be wishing she wasn’t as soon as she gets a little beer bloat going. Which is why both my costumes this year have been built around one simple concept:
The more casual approach was much appreciated as soon as I heard we were going to be eating doughnuts off a string. My initial reaction was, damn, I wish they were powdered doughnuts. After a beer or two, I was like, hmm, they were smart to go w/ the glazed. But do I really want to be mouth to mouth w/ these people, eating w/ my hands behind my back like some kind of animal? After three or four beers I was like, MUST EAT NOW!! WHERE IS DOUGHNUT??
Those poor party-goers didn’t know what they were up against. When my doughnut fell off the string, I dove after it like Angelina Jolie in a foreign orphanage. Turns out I’m pretty good at eating like an animal.
I wish there was a better picture of my win. One where I didn’t look like a marionette. I think I was going for the double high five in this pic? B was pretty excited for me when I won. He was even more excited to come in second. Bragging rights fo sho’.
What a pair, what a pair.
Comments
@Michele: Truly, right? I don't know who else would support me in a doughnut eating contest w/ such gusto.
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Your family is adorable, so I just did what my parents did.
Rock on, Kevin.
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