Secrets of a Drunken Klepto

I was emptying the dishwasher when I saw it; a glimpse of red, the familiar curve of the “S.” It was the newest addition to my collection. 

I was out with Brent and my sister last week and one of our beers was served in this glass. I had to have it. So I went to the bathroom and Brent and Beth made the ol’ switcheroo. When I came back, ready to move on to the next one, the glass wasn’t on the table anymore. Our server was stuck at some other table w/ a group of rowdy Sox fans. I knew we were golden.

Now that I’m looking at it, I’m slightly confused as to why I needed this glass. I don’t even know what Sam Adams Boston Brick Red is, let alone drink it. Did I think the bricks were cool looking? I guess five Shock Tops on a nearly empty stomach will do that to ya (spinach and artichoke dip and loaded fries do not a dinner make). 

At least it’ll fit right in with the other contents of my cupboard. Let’s take a stroll down drunken klepto memory lane. 

It’s hard to remember how this all started, when I turned into a bad seed. I’m assuming it was around the time I first moved to Boston, flat broke and in need of some apartment furnishings. Obviously pint glasses were my first priority. 

I feel like this was from the Harpoon brewery tour I took my parents on when they first visited me. And by tour I mean hanging out at the bar b/c who cares how it’s made. I want to say my Dad helped me smuggle this one out, but that seems wrong to accuse him of w/out fully remembering. 

Next up, the ol’ standbys. You can’t have a collection in Boston w/out amassing these.

Obviously, b/c I’m such a NASCAR fan…? 

Speaking of breweries, this one was actually bought and paid for at the Sam Adams brewery.

Well, not so much the actual brewery, but a bar nearby where a partybus was shuttling folks fresh off the tour. You bought any Sam Adams at this bar and they let you keep the glass. A pretty sweet deal, seeing as the gift shop was selling them for like $14.99. Supposedly it’s specially designed for drunks and tourists Sam Adams lager. 

This one has to be my greatest accomplishment; would you look at the size of that thing?

Even more impressive considering we were in Maui and I didn't have a coat or hoodie to help me hide it. I like to think I’m stealth like that, but I think our server knew exactly what was happening; he probably just didn’t give a shit. I mean, it’s a tourist bar in Hawaii, this must happen on the reg. As great of a heist it was, it’s not something we ever use. You can’t just pull out the moose vase for Bud Light, ya know? 

Another one from Maui. 

Our server mentioned you could buy the glass for only $9 and the words “I’ll take it!” were out of my mouth before I could stop them. I mean, he’s a tiki head for crying out loud; he’ll obviously go w/ the décor of our house.

I guess my secret’s out; kinda feels like a big weight off my shoulders. I wish I could say I felt bad, but the only regret I have? Not taking that adorable glass w/ the dancing elephants when Brent and I were out one time. That was back in February and it’s still haunting me.