Victor Rino

Today Brent made a comment that really resonated w/ me: 

“I’m surprised you aren’t the queen of Yelp. You love trash talking.” 

First of all, I don’t love trash talking that much (lies). Second of all, I don’t need social media to trash talk. I do just fine the good ol’ fashioned way; blogging bitching to my friends. 

I’ve actually considered creating a Yelp account on more than one occasion, all instances where I received rock star customer service. If someone does right by me, they score a customer for life. If someone does wrong by me, well, Brent knows how that goes; w/ a giant bitch sesh and box glass of Moscato. 

We were seeing The Great Gatsby at this quaint little theater (read: no frills) (read: no movie trivia beforehand) so I decided to create a Yelp account. I didn’t want to use my normal name b/c how many Brigid M’s you think there are in this town? It’s called strategy, okay? (name that movie) I can’t have my friends know I rate bars on the reg. Or worse, that I think the spinach artichoke at Coogan’s is practically gourmet (not just even when you’re drunk; I know). 

I come up w/ the brilliant name of Victor Rino, a play on my guy, Shane Victorino. I fill out the basic info and voila! I’m up and ready to start trash talking all the bars that serve skunked Bud Light and don’t layer the cheese in their nachos so after the first layer you’re left w/ a pile of naked tortilla chips (biggest offense ever). 

When I log in I see my name is Victor R. Well, that’s not so funny. I need to be Victor Rino or the whole thing’s a bust (did I mention Brent thinks this is lame a great idea? He just loves that I’m so witty). I edit my information and before I click “save” a thing pops up asking if I really want to change my name b/c Yelping under a fake name is not cool. Yelp is some serious ish, ok? Scamming innocent consumers is soooo Craigslist. 

I don’t plan on scamming anyone, I just want my name to be cool, is that so much to ask? Check me out: VictorReen O. (since you need a last initial, I figured that was the way to go) I even nabbed a photo of Shane doing the hang-ten sign for my profile pic. 

samesies

Needless to say, after all that I was too exhausted to write any reviews. So my profile doesn’t actually have any helpful information. But it might one day.