The Monday Charade

Another Monday, another promise to myself that this is the week the clean eating starts. You know the drill. What’s that old ‘80’s song about how everybody’s working for the weekend? Actually, I think that’s the exact title right there. They were singing about how everyone is working to have money to spend on the weekends. Me? I’m working so I can overindulge my fat ass on the weekends. Except I’m also overindulging during the week, so my song would be more like, hey everybody, this girl is eating for two even though she’s not pregnant w/ anything but a food baby. Sorry, that song is terrible and never getting produced. 

What can I tell you, it was a super indulgent weekend b/c Saturday was my birthday. I’m not quite at 100% today. Also, I’m pretty sure my body is running solely on alcohol and kettle corn fumes, so until I clear that out, things will be a little wonky around here. You’re probably like, that’s a food out of left field, didn’t know kettle corn had such a drunk market, but when you’re street festival-ing in New England in the fall, kettle corn is the market. The only problem w/ kettle corn is that in your efforts to get the biggest handful every single time, you end up dropping half of it on the ground. And I know that’s not just me. My crew left more than a few kettle corn trails this weekend, and it wasn’t just b/c they were trying to help me out by letting me know where they were in the bar b/c I always have to go pee as soon as we get anywhere.

When Brent tells me he needs to start eating healthier, it’s like, Houston, we have a problem. Brent doesn’t do healthy. I’ve never seen that guy willing eat salad unless it’s smothered in dressing and 80% croutons. I went to the supermarket today and stuck strictly to the produce section (the seasonal section was calling my name, but I stayed strong; it’s called willpower) (which clearly I don’t have, b/c, hello, do you even read this blog?) (And how could I turn down those candles, they were only one dollar?) (and then some cute festive cards) (okay, now I’m done).

$40 worth of produce later, we’re ready to start some green drinking tonight. I keep saying we’re going to start juicing, but that’s technically incorrect b/c we don’t have a juicer, and it’s probably better anyway so people don’t think we’re about to ‘roid rage. Green drink meal numero uno is tonight. Wish us luck; Brent has no idea what this shit tastes like is in for a big treat.