Halloweenie

See the blank white space right above this text? Pretend it’s a white flag. B/c I’m raising it. This weekend proved that I just can’t hang like I used to. That pregaming probably isn’t a good idea for me. That shot after shot (after shot) absolutely ensures my night ends before it can even get started. Cue sad faced emoji.

The weekend started off swimmingly. My favorite baker/blogger was in town for a book signing and I got to meet my idol face-to-face. She was as funny and adorable as she is on her blog and of course she brought snacks for everyone. Brent came in super handy after the Q and A sesh when it came time to line up to meet her and elbowed all the basic bitches out the way so I was third in line. It was great b/c she’s such a sweetheart and took the time to chat w/ all her readers, so if you were far back in line, you had a looooong night ahead of you. Being at the front of the line also ensured me a free bag of nuts she had for the first twenty readers. Holla!

Saturday morning I spent baking things to bring to our friends house later that night. Brookies (brownie cookies) + Halloween bark + pumpkin spice truffles = winning at Halloween. 

We were headed into the city Saturday night, but we didn’t plan on leaving until 6:30-7ish. I figured we should have some candy for trick-or-treaters so I bought two bags. Two bags would last us for an hour or so, right?

Wrong. Especially since I thought we wouldn’t get that many kids so I was giving away handfuls to the first few groups. Maybe I’m asking too much here, but I was a little disappointed in the majority of trick-or-treaters we got. They’d ring the doorbell, I’d answer the door and it’d be a little standoff until finally I was like, “okay, here you go” and give them candy, at which point they’d push and shove before retreating. You have one job, kid: saying “trick or treat!” And thanking the person who gives you free candy is a nice touch. I guess I’m asking too much; I should just be glad our house didn’t get egged after we ran out of candy and Brent tried to pawn off Fiber One bars. I had to put the kibosh on that; I’m not being that house. 

We head into the city bearing baked goods and booze, all the necessities for a fun night. And it was a fun night; until I passed out at the first bar and had to be escorted back to the house. I’m getting ahead of myself though, let me at least describe our awesome costumes.

Cheap and easy are the only requirements we have for our Halloween costumes, so when I was in my closet the other day and saw my checked chef’s pants, I was like, Halloween costume, done and done. Then I thought it’d be cute if Brent played the chef and I was some kind of food. Except all the food costumes seemed way too crafty or in-depth for the usual twenty bucks / half hour financial / time commitment I like to spend on my costume. So in a rare moment of ingeniuity, I came up w/ the idea to be brownies. I snagged a brown shirt at the thrift store, some brown felt from Wal-Mart, and cut a bunch of E’s out. Bam. Instant batch of brownies. 

I wake up at 6am this morning on an air mattress at my friends house totally disoriented. I’m still wearing my costume, my contacts, and my sock bun (thanks, Brent, on the awesome job of putting me to bed). I wake up Brent, all, “what the fuck happened last night?” He tells me I was falling asleep on the bar at the first place we went so he and a friend brought me back to the house. Then they went back out and left me passed out on the air mattress w/ Brent apologizing to the roommate on behalf of his hammered wife. On the one hand, I’m relieved I didn’t embarrass myself (too much) or ruin anyone’s night. On the other, I’m freaking pissed. I mean, you couldn't force me to boot and rally, B? Wasn’t that one of our vows?