3 Hard Truths of 2018
raspberry cheesecake brownies b/c it's dark and rainy and I have a problem with food, remember?
2018 also had its low points, some very very low. Through the ups and downs, it was overall a very educational year. In several aspects, I feel like I matured quite a bit, even though I'm still the childish brat I have been for 32 years. I realized that I simply can not not finish a book, even one I'm begrudgingly trudging through. I realized that I lie to myself a lot, mostly about how "I'll get back on track tomorrow." I realized I need to stop making arbitrary resolutions, especially about blogging, b/c I blog best when I'm inspired and excited and I hate the idea of writing just for content's sake. The biggest takeaways from the year?
-I am not a planner person
Which is highly surprising, since I'm definitely a planner. I lived by my planner throughout high school and college. I love nothing more than jotting down lists, notes and reminders for myself and crossing them off with a flourish. I bought a 2018 planner on clearance in January and prepared to become a social media maven with my trendy planner pictures and color coordinating Sharpies. I used said planner for maybe nine weeks before I left it on my nightstand to gather dust for the next 10 months. Seeing all the cute and functional planners this time of year is a real exercise in willpower, and I know it's only going to get harder when they're 90% off in about two weeks.
Which is highly surprising, since I'm definitely a planner. I lived by my planner throughout high school and college. I love nothing more than jotting down lists, notes and reminders for myself and crossing them off with a flourish. I bought a 2018 planner on clearance in January and prepared to become a social media maven with my trendy planner pictures and color coordinating Sharpies. I used said planner for maybe nine weeks before I left it on my nightstand to gather dust for the next 10 months. Seeing all the cute and functional planners this time of year is a real exercise in willpower, and I know it's only going to get harder when they're 90% off in about two weeks.
-I don't LOVE my cats
This was a tough pill to swallow. I was having dinner with a girlfriend a few weeks ago and she was filling me in on her life with a 22 month old baby girl, a 70 pound mutt, and two cats in their small Boston duplex. She was telling me stories and showing me videos of the baby and dog together, and is there anything cuter than that? But she wasn't talking much about the cats, which was weird, b/c these two cats were her first babies; she was that crazy cat mom. And now? She says she feels bad they've had to deal with her split attention since the dog and baby, but honestly she doesn't feel the same way about them. I was shocked until I realized I was dealing with something similar. I don't have a baby, but Munch and Finn are dealing with my previous feelings towards Binx. And they'll never live up to him. I feel like a horrible person for saying this, but I don't love my cats. Not the way I loved Binx, obviously, but not even at all. We've had them a year and a half, and I'm wondering when, or at this point, if, the love is going to takeoff.
This was a tough pill to swallow. I was having dinner with a girlfriend a few weeks ago and she was filling me in on her life with a 22 month old baby girl, a 70 pound mutt, and two cats in their small Boston duplex. She was telling me stories and showing me videos of the baby and dog together, and is there anything cuter than that? But she wasn't talking much about the cats, which was weird, b/c these two cats were her first babies; she was that crazy cat mom. And now? She says she feels bad they've had to deal with her split attention since the dog and baby, but honestly she doesn't feel the same way about them. I was shocked until I realized I was dealing with something similar. I don't have a baby, but Munch and Finn are dealing with my previous feelings towards Binx. And they'll never live up to him. I feel like a horrible person for saying this, but I don't love my cats. Not the way I loved Binx, obviously, but not even at all. We've had them a year and a half, and I'm wondering when, or at this point, if, the love is going to takeoff.
-I have an unhealthy relationship with food
I ended 2017 on a really positive note, and carried this into 2018, working out and eating healthy and feeling good for the first time in a long time. I lost the weight I'd been carrying around since my wedding and was sure I'd keep it off. My lifetime struggle to fit in my jeans was over! I was cured! Commence the yo-yo dieting and living in leggings and hoodies. This year I realized the serious problem is my mind. I am completely and utterly controlled by food. I spend the majority of my time thinking about it, and if I said it's work related, I'd be lying. I'm addicted to sugar and have a problem with processed foods. I know these things, and I still consume them in large, unhealthy portions. I know I can't cure this with a whole 30 resolution or January sugar ban because it's not that simple. I also know I need to get serious about it in 2019 b/c I'm sick of it. I'm sick of blogging about it. I'm sick of having the conversation w/ Brent where I tell him we need to get our eating in check, where we both know I'm only talking about myself. I'm sick of food controlling my life and I'm ready to do something about it.
I ended 2017 on a really positive note, and carried this into 2018, working out and eating healthy and feeling good for the first time in a long time. I lost the weight I'd been carrying around since my wedding and was sure I'd keep it off. My lifetime struggle to fit in my jeans was over! I was cured! Commence the yo-yo dieting and living in leggings and hoodies. This year I realized the serious problem is my mind. I am completely and utterly controlled by food. I spend the majority of my time thinking about it, and if I said it's work related, I'd be lying. I'm addicted to sugar and have a problem with processed foods. I know these things, and I still consume them in large, unhealthy portions. I know I can't cure this with a whole 30 resolution or January sugar ban because it's not that simple. I also know I need to get serious about it in 2019 b/c I'm sick of it. I'm sick of blogging about it. I'm sick of having the conversation w/ Brent where I tell him we need to get our eating in check, where we both know I'm only talking about myself. I'm sick of food controlling my life and I'm ready to do something about it.
2019, let's do this.
Comments
I'm sick of having the conversation w/ Brent where I tell him we need to get our eating in check, where we both know I'm only talking about myself.