The Vicious Cycle

naively smiling - if only she knew

It's one of those controversial questions, right up there with the chicken-and-egg debate. Is my stress causing my bad skin, or is my bad skin causing my stress? I've been majorly STRESSED with the awful breakouts plaguing my skin, so it's probably fair to say it's the latter.

I'm headed to Miami on Friday for a four-day sister trip that I am beyond excited about - or I was, up until my skin decided to riot. It's literally all I can think about. How will I pack all the skin care I need to cover these cysts all over my face? How will I have fun swimming and snorkeling knowing that will all wash off within seconds? How will I channel the fun, carefree vibe of Miami when I'm stuck in my head about how awful my skin looks?

It's not fucking fair. I see my dermatologist annually, I use SPF daily, and I never, ever skip my P.M. skincare routine. So why is my face a total nightmare lately? My initial statement about my skin causing my stress is not an exaggeration; it's literally the only thing I can think about. Reading articles about how to make a pimple go away fast, trying to determine if I'm a good candidate for a cortisone shot, getting absolutely no sleep because nightmares about how awful it looks are keeping me up; it's a real treat.

It doesn't help that Brent, who was blessed with soft, even, blemish-free skin (the nerve) is all "it's not a big deal, no one notices or cares as much as you," which, while his heart is in the right place, does absolutely nothing to relieve my self-loathing.

While this is a very specific case of a very obnoxious problem, it makes me wonder about all these other parallels. Are Americans stressed b/c of our fast-paced lifestyle, or is our fast-paced lifestyle causing stress? Is my cat shedding b/c I brush him too much, or do I brush him too much b/c he's shedding? Does Brent hate when I try to substitute cauliflower for real carbs, or do I substitute cauliflower for real carbs b/c I know Brent hates it? 

I may have lost the original point....

The fact is - I'm stressed b/c my skin is breaking out, and I can't stop thinking about it, and I lose sleep over it, and none of these things are helping my skin. OR, my skin is breaking out b/c I'm stressed and losing sleep. How do I stop this vicious cycle?

Before you get all self-righteous about the state of the world on the heels of election day, I know this is a first-world problem at it's core. There are actual, important things going on in the world, and I'm fortunate if the biggest problem in my life right now is the condition of my skin.

But...it's not nothing. Besides being stressed out and losing sleep, I'm embarrassed to go to work and chat with my colleagues. I'm barely looking anyone in the eye b/c I'm so ashamed of how I look. It's taking a toll on my mental health, my overall mood and my quality of life. So I'm dying to know - how do you get out of the vicious cycle when it traps you?