Lies I've Been Telling Myself

Let me apologize in advance for the New Year’s post. This isn’t your run-of-the-mill resolution post (which I may or may not get around to), but it is about realizing what makes you happy and self-acceptance and blah blah blah all that jazz people tend to spew in the first few weeks of January. A new year always brings w/ it some self loathing examination; I can’t argue w/ that. During said examination, I had more than a few startling realizations. And there’s the first lie of this post; none of these were startling. They’re all things I’ve known for years but have been reluctant to admit. 

The main reason being I just don’t like how they sound out loud. Once it’s said out loud, or written on this online diary, it’s so very real. So in my first act of fearlessness in 2015 (besides braving the RMV on a day half the state isn’t working or in school) I'll be setting the record straight.

I enjoy working out. 
Oh, God. I’m literally cringing as a type this, realizing that I was that girl. The annoying girl who was all “I really like working out, no really! It just makes me feel so much better about myself!" And the only reason you could even stomach listening to me was b/c you got some satisfaction about how the chubby girl was going on and on about endorphins and serotonin while downing a pitcher of Blue Moon and a plate of nachos faster than you can say “well, my trainer says…” This is a lie I’ve been perpetuating for a loooong time. It really came to light after the wedding when I decided to take a break from all the spinach smoothies and cross fit sessions I’d filled up on. Seven weeks later, that “break” is still in effect. I don’t hate the not exercising part, but the part involving my jeans being too tight? Not a fan.

I like leafy greens. 
Hand in hand w/ the work-out myth is this one; I don’t know why I feel the need to spread the word that I’m kale’s biggest advocate. Kale and spinach are not tasty in the least. Maybe they’re superfoods. Maybe they have amazing benefits for the body. But you know why every recipe you read assures you that “you won’t even taste the kale/spinach, I promise!” Because they are not tastes people want in their mouth. I’ll eat them, when they’re smothered in oil and salt, like a delicious chip, or pureed in a blender with a mix of sugary fruit, but I’m done pretending it’s enjoyable. 

I don’t like eggnog.
I’m sick of the bad rap the beloved holiday standby gets. It’s freakin’ delicious. I’ve loved it ever since I can remember, but never bought it b/c I didn’t think Brent liked it, and never drank it at parties due to the stigma it has. I don’t think the name itself helps; eggnog is one weird word. I’m done denying myself the privilege of this sweet, sweet elixir. It’s only available for one month of the year, for cryin’ out loud. I’m not missing out next time. Christmas 2015 will be the season of nog, mark my words. 

I’m a people person.
I’ve slowly been accepting that I’m not, in fact, an extrovert for the past few years, but in 2015 I’m really going to embrace it. Not in the asshole way, like, being a bitch for no reason or anything. I’m realizing that I function best when I get “me time,” that I don’t have to worry about fear of missing out, that I won’t be best friends with everyone, and that’s okay. I always thought it was better to be a people person (and I think I just really like how the expression sounds). This year I’m going to work w/ what I’ve got instead of trying to be something I’m not. Look at that, I’m a poet and I didn’t know it #nevergetsold 

I want a dog.
This lie may be the hardest one to get over. I’ve always always wanted a dog. I grew up w/ cats, and I knew from day one that I’d need at least one of those snuggly punks around. My best friends’ family had a chocolate lab, and I thought a dog would be a great friend for my future cat. The lab had free reign of the house and yard and I never saw any trouble brewing w/ bathroom or chewing or boarding issues (although now I realize maybe I didn’t see these things b/c I didn’t live w/ her). Now that I'm older and have some friends w/ dogs, I realize they’re kind of a lot of work. Scratch that; they are a ton of work. You can’t go to happy hour b/c you have to go home and let the dog out. You can’t take a spontaneous trip b/c where will you board the dog on such short notice? The idea of putting a dog in a crate all day really makes me sad. I’ve never wanted a small  dog. I would love a lab, or a retriever, or, if I’m being really honest, a Great Dane, if only for the adorable and comical juxtaposing photo opps. 

But the work and the price tag involved? Just might not be for me. Man, this post just went all debbie downer on me. I’ve got to go look at more cat and dog best friend pictures to cheer up. And convince myself that maybe this one isn’t a lie…


Stephanie said…
Hawkeye is super easy! She's a diva in that she likes being on the bed and people food, but low maintenance in that she doesn't have to go outside and she's on 'free feed' like a cat. So I don't ever need to be home at a certain time. She's like a dog/cat mix. Like the cartoon. But only 1 head.
I hear you on the nog. I think though I only like it when I make it myself. I make damn good nog.
Brigid said…
I love Hawkeye's diva ways! It's not that at all that would deter me from getting a dog. I've always wanted one and Brent's made it clear he doesn't, so maybe this was just my way of acquiescing....or maybe I'm going to have to convince HIM otherwise ; )
Totally agree, homemade eggnog is where it's at.