Nobody Likes a Liar, Pinterest

Welp, Pinterest lied to me again. This isn’t the first time that little floozy has done this to me. First she tells me I can grind pretzels fine enough for a crust by banging them around in a Ziploc bag (the crumbs that found their way into every crevice of my kitchen from that damn bag busting open would disagree). Now she tells me I can substitute cauliflower for potatoes in my mashed potatoes recipe. So of course I have to see for myself; tragedy ensues.

It’s not my fault, though. The second I log in, there’s nine million fresh images, so adorable and perfect and omg easy enough for even me! Except that they’re actually impossible and posted by liars who can Photoshop better than the guy who did Kim K’s body after her post-pregnancy bikini cover. Someone should tell these people that nobody likes a liar.

If I’m being honest here, it might not totally be Pinterest’s fault my mashed cauliflower tasted like ass. I guess I’m not a huge chive fan to begin w/, so chopping up half a package of them didn’t help my cause. But how was I supposed to know? I like chives in my cream cheese and potato chips. These incredibly healthful dishes must be packed w/ the fresh herb, right? So naturally I loaded my potatoes cauliflower w/ ‘em. And in an effort to get B on board w/ something I made this week, I went heavy on the garlic. He’s always asking me to put garlic in my mashed potatoes and I always forget. Not this time. A head of cauliflower, a sleeve of garlic and a package of chives; is this a winning combination or what.

To the untrained eye, these are passable as mashed potatoes, don't even try to tell me they look like rice (cough Brent cough).  

The other minor issue with dinner tonight:

B: What’s on the chicken?

Me (super excited): Coconut! 

B: Silence

Me: Oh shit, I forgot you don’t like coconut. 

Fiancee of the year right here.