Not All Babies Are Cute

There was a baptism at church on Sunday. My parents were in town so I went to mass for the first time since Ash Wednesday (I went Ash Wednesday but not Easter Sunday b/c I refuse to be an Easter and Christmas Catholic), and I was more than a little annoyed we had to sit through a baptism. I was probably annoyed more than the average churchgoer who is approximately 65 and schedule the rest of their Sunday around morning mass. And who seem to like babies, by all the cooing and smiling I saw. 

At one point my Mom caught me staring hard core at the mom w/ her baptized-to-be child; I say “caught” b/c I think my Mom thought I would have a loving smile on my face and she literally did a double-take when she saw the utter look of disgust I was giving the child. I think it zapped any and all dreams she has of grandchildren for the moment.

In my defense, I wasn’t disgusted by the baby; just everything that went along w/ it. I was appalled at the boatload of stuff the parents had lugged in for that baby. There was the carseat, filled w/ so many toys I don’t know if the baby really used it, or if there was a separate one for transporting the child. There were bottles and pacifiers and towels and diapers and shoes and rattles. I’ve seen less stuff in the kids section at Kohl’s than this mom had for an hour mass.

By the end of mass, the little girl was conked out against her mom’s shoulder. My sister nudged me and pointed, whispering something along the lines of “aw, how cute.” My response? “I think that baby is fat and ugly.”

I realized my mistake immediately, as my sister looked at me like I was a Trump supporter. I felt bad about calling the baby ugly; she was cute in her own wrinkly way and would almost certainly grow into that head. Keeping my opinion to myself seems to be wiser now that I’m the age where more and more people are having kids on purpose and society assumes all women want kids b/c obviously every woman in the world feels the same on this: we all definitely want kids. Who doesn’t want to truck around a 20 pound baby and 30 more pounds of their stuff?

The idea for this post initially was the fact that I couldn’t wrap my head around how much stuff a baby requires; now I’ve rambled on and offended moms and babies and come off as a baby hating hag. I promise I don’t hate babies. Just the ugly ones. 

Kidding. 

Besides, I’ve got my hands full w/ these two babies. And yes, I just wanted a reason to insert this pic. I can't even.