The Knife Kit Nazi

One time in culinary school, I lent a classmate my microplane b/c she needed to zest some lemons for her recipe. I don’t know what ever became of that microplane; when I asked for it back at the end of class, she told me she thought she had given it back, and I wasn’t able to find it among the chaos of ten other students and our frenzied production class.

I was complaining about it to a friend at work right after it happened and my friend told me that’s why she never let anyone borrow anything from her knife kit. I thought that seemed like kind of a severe policy, but it’s the one I’ve taken since. I’ve lost far too many items: measuring spoons, thermometers, bowl scrapers, and of course, the microplane that started it all. Maybe it’s a strict policy, but I’m not spending ten bucks here and there to replace missing items anymore. 

The other day at work someone asked to borrow my phone charger. Normally, I’d just say I didn’t have it on me and not even feel bad about the white lie. But this is one of the few people who works mornings w/ me and that I’m friendly with, so I decided to go against my normal no lending policy and let him use my charger. He gave it back to me at the end of the day and I didn’t think anything of it.

The next time I had to charge my phone, it was being super weird; it would charge for a split second, and then stop charging, and then charge again. The screen would flash on like it does when you start to charge your phone, then go dark b/c it wasn’t charging, then flash again b/c it started charging again. Has anyone ever seen this before, b/c it was some poltergeist-looking shit, I’ll tell you that. I asked my friend if he had any issues w/ the charger the day before and he said he hadn’t. 

Of freaking course; the ONE time I break my own rule, something like this happens. Maybe it was a coincidence; a very, very big coincidence. But it’s things like this that remind me not to feel like a bitch when I tell someone I don’t have a certain tool they’re looking for, or that was my last piece of gum (the gum one is so high school, since I don’t chew gum anymore, but it helps emphasize my point). 

To his credit, my friend at work felt extremely bad about the whole thing and brought me in a new charger the next day. But it reinforced my no lending policy, which leaves my tool kit back in my locker at the end of the day. Am I being a bitch? Too stingy? Maybe, but I’d rather be a bitch w/ a full knife kit intact, thank you very much.