An Open Plea to my Future BFF's
Lorde: Before you think I’m a creep, hear me out: I can buy you booze. It’s not like you have a team of professionals to bend to your every whim or anything, so this is a real win for you. Most teenagers I know are all gold teeth, grey goose, trippin’ in the bathroom so riddle me this: how did you get such a good head on your shoulders? Pretty pretty please, don’t pull a Miley and let your fame make you rachet.
ps: I, too, am kind of over getting told to throw my hands up in the air.
Jen Lancaster: I binge read a bunch of your books a few years ago and was instantly infatuated. Then I forgot to put your latest one on hold at the lib b/c I’m
cheap dumb. I recently read another one of your collection and was reminded just how spectacular you are. You always have just enough self-deprecating talk in there to make me feel good about myself, but also manage to make me incredibly jealous of your life, qualifying us to be perfect friends.
Mindy Kaling: You’re a writer, which ups your cool factor, by like, 10 mil. You’re also real, like, really real, which I can’t applaud you enough for. You’re funny, honest and gorge, but don’t get it twisted, this is not a girl crush; I just happen to think we would get along famously.