On Not Waking Up Dead

I knew it was going to be a pretty great day this morning when I woke up. Alive. Still living and breathing and all that jazz. Because every day is a gift, don’t you know that? Sike, I’m not getting all preachy up in here. I’m legitimately excited I’m alive b/c I went to bed last night with a mouthguard in and I was terrified it was going to move around my mouth and block my airway and I’d die in my sleep.

Apparently I have bruxism? I went to the dentist last week and they dropped the bomb on me. And really hammered home the point that I should be using an electric toothbrush, their prices are cheaper than Walgreens and CVS, would I be paying cash or credit?

Slow your roll there, denty, no one’s buying nothing. Especially not a $700 mouthguard. No, you’re not seeing extra zeros. That was a SEVEN HUNDRED DOLLAR quote for the custom made mouthguard I need to stop grinding my teeth in my sleep. Oh wait, I’m exaggerating; can’t forget about my 10% student discount! Whew, that $70 makes all the difference. 

It was obviously fate that I was headed down to see my friend this weekend and learn that her fiancĂ© is also a major teeth grinder. So he hooked me up with a disposable mouthguard that I’ve been wearing ever since for one night. It stayed in place all night and didn’t kill me, so I’m counting that as a success. That and the fact that slapping a $700 charge on my credit card is not something I’m able to do right now (I don’t know if you know this, but planning a wedding is fucking expensive). 

I can’t hold a grudge against my dentist, I know they’re just doing their job. Price gouging the public and all that good stuff. JK, I love those guys. The hygienist and receptionist remembered Brent by name from his visit a few days earlier and were all excited to hear about the wedding planning. And then we received this in the mail from the Doc herself. How did they know I’m a sucker for handwritten notes? 

All of a sudden, I’m thinking maybe I do need that custom made mouthguard. I can return my wedding dress, right? We don’t really need a DJ or flowers. I’m keeping the photographer though; we’ll need pics of me and my perfect teeth.