Old AF

just an old married couple in their reverse matching outfits and beer cans, which was the highlight of their old married night (I shouldn't drag Brent into this, he'll insist he's still young and hip) 

Sometimes I feel like I was born in the wrong generation. I don’t feel as if I have as much in common w/ other millennials as I do w/ older age brackets, and I’m starting to agree w/ my parents on things I never thought I would. Some of this is a longing for a simpler time, before new-fangled notions like social media and the cronut. But more and more I realize there is a huge divide between what normalcy means for my peers -for my entire generation perhaps- and what it means for me. 

-I’ll just come out w/ it: I very rarely shop Amazon. I don’t have a Prime account. I know this is a huge black mark against me, but I’d rather run to the store for paper towels and contact solution than order it online. 

-While I’m on the subject, online shopping in general doesn’t really appeal to me. I understand the convenience and how some people can love it; I’m just not one of them. Part of this is b/c clothing is always such a guessing game; what the fuck do small, medium and large even mean? I am pro-fitting rooms and would rather bring an armful of clothes in w/ me and have none of them fit than order something online and have to deal w/ a return. Most of the time I end up going to an actual store to return it anyway, so it’s not like ordering online is saving me a trip. With the non-clothing items, I’d rather go to the store than contribute to clogging landfills with infinite cardboard shipping boxes. 

-Social media isn’t really my jam. I really like Instagram, but Facebook and Twitter, which I used to troll all the time, are just too much going on. Don’t even get me started on Snapchat, mostly b/c I don’t get it. Why am I posting a video that just disappears? Can’t you just post a video on Instagram? Why can’t you send it as a text if it’s not worth its own post? Why does every little thing need its own platform? I know I sound just like my parents w/ these questions, but I truly would like to know. 

-My phone isn’t permanently attached to my hand. When I go for a run, or to pick up Brent from the train, or whenever it isn’t finished charging, it’s not normally w/ me. I understand this one isn’t necessarily a millennial thing, since I know a lot of people older than this generation are semi-dependent on their phones, but people my age in particular are always hassled for being on their phones 24/7 and I can absolute relate to the disdain. I can’t stand it when someone is always on their phone/tablet/laptop. Get a fucking life. What about an emergency? Can this tired phrase please stop making the rounds? There’s no emergency. If there is, you’ll find out about it b/c it’s, like, an emergency.

-What happened to classic names like Patrick and Mary? Why does my generation need to brand their children w/ names like Pike and Hudson and Kipling? Giving your child the name of a renowned author or one of their classic literary characters won’t make them well read. If you don’t want your daughter to share a name w/ anyone else b/c you were Jennifer C in a class w/ a Jennifer A and B, you’re not doing her any favors; you’re giving her a legacy of spelling and respelling McKynleigh and confirming that yes, that is her first name. The other side of this coin is a nice normal name morphed into something like Meaghanne and Lyndsee. Celebrities have always been a little cray about their kids’ names, but now, no one is safe. Consider the fact that this is a name your child will have for the rest of their life before going the social experiment route like Winner and Loser.    

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