The Story of the 3 Meals

I have a secret: I don’t like to cook. There, I said it. 

Oh wait, that’s no secret. I talk more on this blog about Taco Bell and bar food than B or my family. 

When I cook, the results are usually disastrous. Or inedible. Which is worse, in my opinion. I can take a near miss with a fire extinguisher. What I can’t take is chopping and prepping and mixing and waiting only to have something truly abominable come out of the oven. Especially since I refuse to miss meals or waste food, so I'd just end up eating that shit anyway.  

I saw in the paper that a local supermarket chain was going out of business. Another one bites the dust to the Whole paycheck Foods conglomerate. All items were 30% off starting Saturday until everything was gone. I figured this was as good a chance as any to stock up on some cupboard staples. Beer, wine, toilet paper; ya know, the essentials. I make a few lists and hit the store. Wouldn’t you know it’s one of the supermarkets in MA that doesn’t carry alcohol #justmyluck

Although I was dragged there under false pretenses (30% off my ass; it was maybe 10%, if you were lucky), I managed to score most of the items on my lists - minus the OJ for B; sorry, I don't buy extra pulp. 

The first thing I made was a soup off Dr. Oz’s site. Hours of chopping and a day later, our house still smells like onion. Our Yankee candle collection is going overtime. I bought some French bread to accompany the soup, and at the end of lunch yesterday, B’s bowl was full and the loaf was (practically) empty. There was a shit-ton left over. Next time, I won’t need to use my cauldron. 

This morning, B was about to pour himself a bowl of cereal when I ran into the kitchen to tell him to stop, I was going to make pancakes after my run. He was skeptical, but went along with it. I even stopped at Rite Aid after my run to pick up some chocolate chips for him. Except that our Rite Aid doesn’t sell chocolate chips. So I improvised with a bag of M&M’s. The pancakes were actually pretty good. But I only made enough batter for 6-9 cakes, which produced about 5, and left me ravenous. I was starting to feel like Goldilocks; next time, I better make the right amount, damn it. 

Since I was on such a cooking spree, I decided to finally make a cookie mix that had been hanging around our cupboards since last Christmas. It came with a tiny skillet to pour the dough in and bake. With my brand-new chef’s eye, I could tell that baby skillet wouldn’t be able to hold all the dough. So I glopped them onto a cookie sheet and popped 'em in the oven.

baby skillet next to daddy skillet 

I even threw in the rest of the M&M's. I felt confident w/ my newfound cooking knowledge. When I went to check on them, this is what I saw. 

not exactly what Pillsbury commercials are made of 

Despite all hideousness, they actually were kind of tasty. Four cookies, two adults? Finally, I get a recipe just right. I mean, I can usually eat way more than two cookies. But if you were eating these cookies, you would have wanted to stop after two, too.

Comments

Brigid said…
haha, you wouldn't be if you tasted those cookies...but I'm trying!