That's Where My Thursday Afternoon Went

So I know I was going off just yesterday on how Black Friday and Christmas are hijacking poor Thanksgiving and soon it will be just an urban legend.

Decorating with giant squash and hand-traced turkeys? Offering your home and cooking skills up to 20 of your relatives so they can dump all over your home and cooking skills? Hahahaha, people sure used to do dumb shit. 

I’ve never been into all that Black Friday business. But with my newfound cooking chops, I can’t help but notice that our kitchen isn’t quite up to snuff. And that’s putting it mildly. We don’t even have a real can opener; it’s one of those medieval tools that requires the strength of ten grinches plus two just to pop the lid. I was huffing and puffing over a can of broth the other day before I just turned it upside-down to drain out all the holes I had made by inserting the giant metal spike and turning a few rounds. My best efforts were futile. And I think it gave me tetanus.

In a moment of weakness I typed “Black Friday Target” into Google, and I’ve been perusing their site all afternoon, trying to decide whether black or stainless steel will better bring our kitchen from the Middle Ages into the 21st century. Heck, I’d even take the ‘90’s. 

I’m not asking for refrigerators and Vitamix blenders here; I’ll be happy with a disease-free can opener. Or any of these:

At $16.15 this doesn’t seem like much of a bargain. But I’ve been seeing all these great cupcake and muffin recipes and we don’t have so much as a cake pan. I don’t want any of that normal sized nonsense. Go big or go home, right?

 

I need to stock up on the basics. We eat a lot of grilled cheese in our house. Speaking of which, why is it called grilled cheese when it’s so obviously fried? 

 

You try mixing peanut butter and brown sugar by hand. 

 

I need a bigger crock pot so I can have even more leftovers after Brent doesn’t eat the vat of soup I make. Seriously though, it’d be nice to have a removable pot so I can wash it w/out fear of getting electrified from the cord floating around in the soapy water (even if they’re not plugged in, I have an irrational fear of cords getting wet, ever). 

I won’t be messing w/ Black Friday. But Cyber Monday, it’s on like donkey kong. First order of business: a can opener that won’t kill me.