Mail Call

My apartment is like the Bermuda Triangle for mail. It somehow amasses and then just…disappears.

At any given time, there’ll be no fewer than three envelopes, two magazines, and the weekly circular from the nearby supermarket littering the entryway to our house. Some of the addressees I recognize as a former tenant, a friend of one of my current roommates, who I guess never bothered to update his Sports Illustrated subscription (B says thanks, especially for the swimsuit edition which I found hidden UNDER MY BED)

My landlord, who used to live at this address, still gets a pretty good amount of mail, that I used to lovingly sort for all recipients. I would leave the sorted piles on the table until I realized that my landlord doesn’t give a shit about his board of election notice, and that anything coming from the courthouse for the old tenant is a waste of paper.

This isn’t an occasional thing. Nearly every day we’re getting mail for people who don’t live here. It makes me wonder how many people have lived at this apartment. And confirms my fears that the good ol’ postal service has really dug their own grave if these people are still getting mail at this address.

You can score some hot finds in this ever-growing hotbed for germs mail pile. I’ve read some Nat Geo’s for the first time since I was a kid, got 15% off at American Eagle, and found the cutest online merchant that keeps sending their catalogs Current Resident.

Yesterday I was going inside when I glanced down at the ever-growing pile. A Victoria’s Secret mailer was on top with the infamous “FREE PANTY” scrawled across. Whoa. This is the only reason you even sign up for the Victoria’s Secret mailings; to get that free panty offer twice a year, am I right? (no? please tell me I’m not the only cheapskate who does this) I picked up the mailer and saw that it was addressed to some chick I’ve never heard of. Not only was there a coupon for the free underwear, but one for $10 off any bra! Don’t mind if I do.

Comments

Yeewuz said…
I wasn't hiding it from YOU. I was hiding it from the government. Stealing mail is a crime.


DISCLAIMER: The above statement is not an indictment of guilt.

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