Who Wears Short Shorts? Not This Girl.

You know what’s a riot? Easing your way back into running after nearly a 4 month hiatus. The gasping, the panting, the general misery; it’s a real hoot. I recommend it to anyone looking to see just how far they’ve fallen; unless you’re in your early twenties. Us mid-twenties folk aren’t afforded the luxury of bouncing back so quickly anymore (and since when is 26 old? I feel positively ancient these days).

I decided to bribe my way back into the running game w/ a few purchases at City Sports. We used to be hot and heavy until I decided to stop going around to see him. Amazing how quickly things cooled off between us. I still get the daily email reminders that I was a slacking piece of shit, and finally I just couldn’t take it anymore; I had to reunite w/ my long lost lover. I ordered a pair of shorts to see if we still had that spark.

The general consensus? Nope; that shit burned out months ago. Let me explain:

When I was browsing their online clearance items, I saw a pair of shorts on sale for $12. They were City Sports’ own brand and I didn’t know what my size would be. I was going to go w/ a medium until that little voice in my head chimes in and is all well, you haven’t been running or hitting the gym hard but you HAVE been eating total shit and hitting the bottle hard; you should definitely order a small. The inner voice in my head has always never steered me wrong, so of course I had to listen to it. 

On the off chance that voice was wrong, I decided to order both the small and the medium and return whichever one didn’t fit. I ordered them to the store right near my office to make for an easy exchange. God, I’m smart. Like, I’m just amazed at myself sometimes. I was patting myself on the back when I walked over there to get my shorts. When I got into the dressing room to try on the shorts, I knew something was wrong. I took out the medium first and held them up. Hmm, I thought I ordered running shorts, not daisy dukes. There must be some mistake. 

I like my shorts to sit right under my belly button (preferably at my belly button; B always makes fun of me, but it’s the best way to hide the belly, am I right?) and the only way these shorts weren’t giving me the camel toe of the century is if they were low on my hips. I had to face the facts; low rise running shorts are not a good look for me.

I opted to skip trying on the small and save myself some self-loathing. But I was too embarrassed to return the small and medium and ask for a *gasp* large. So what’s a girl to do? Return the small and talk up how perfectly the medium fit to the cashier who couldn’t care one way or the other. Then go back to the store a few weeks later and buy the large. Like I said, sometimes I’m just in awe of myself.


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