I've Got a Real Future in Juvenile Fiction

Last night I was flipping through the channels, waiting for something good to watch until The Mindy Project. Happy Endings wasn’t on. Nick at Nite was airing first season episodes of Full House (snooze; wake me up after Uncle Jesse cuts that mullet). Turns out there was nothing good to watch, so I just settled for some terrible reality show. Shocking, I know. 

During a commerical break, I saw a preview for Beautiful Creatures. Surprise, surprise; another awful book being made into an equally awful movie. I read it a few weeks ago; if grudgingly finishing a book b/c you spent the first 200 pages waiting for it to get good and spent the last 200 pages realizing it wouldn’t counts as reading. I didn’t know they were making it into a movie. And I sure as shit wouldn’t have thought that after reading it. I guess I don’t have a career in the movie industry.

But if I wanted that career, I’d run straight to the young adult section of my library. Because apparently we’re just going to make a movie based on every stupid teenage love story. Is that how this works now? I didn’t think I could hate Stephenie Meyer any more than I already do. But after starting this trend of terribly written books about supernatural teenagers who fall in love for superficial reasons alone and no real foundation for their feelings being made into movies? She just moved even higher up on my shit list.

The other annoying thing about this book is that it has two authors. It’s such literary genius one mastermind wasn’t enough. I get it when books require the manpower of more than one person; they’re usually biographies or nonfiction works. I don’t think a poorly written novel embracing negative southern stereotypes and hopping on the supernatural bandwagon requires that much effort.

I think I’m going to get to work on my attempt in the world of young adult fiction. I could probably churn out a few chapters before I leave work today. It’s going to be about a new girl in town who drives all the guys wild but she only wants the attention of the super hot all-American dude who can’t admit his feelings to his friends b/c they’ll make fun of him in the locker room but he really needs to talk to someone about all the weird things that started happening after this girl moved to town so he’ll tell his cantankerous yet lovable housekeeper who has all the answers. Look for it on the bestseller list this spring.