B to the O

I was on the stationary bike, catching up on People pedaling furiously, when I first smelled it. I sniffed my nose in the air and shrugged, trying to ignore it. I went back to the Fashion Face-Off, convinced that Kimmy K is walking around with a handful of hundreds, propositioning anyone with a camera to take her picture and then sending it to her batshit crazy doting momager who harasses every magazine in print, b/c homegirl is always in those face-offs.

But this scent would not be ignored. It lingered in my nostrils and flooded my nose. The stationary bikes are near the gym’s entrance, so there were people coming and going, but this odor had to be from someone close. Like, perhaps, the guy sitting next to me #justmyluck

Hey, I get it; we’re at the gym. Perspiring is preferred. There’s nothing quite like reaching your cool hand up under your damp shirt to wipe off some back sweat (don’t make that face like you haven’t done it).

I’m not insensitive to the plight of the girl who’s training for her first triathlon and gets off her treadmill looking like she just did the swimming portion. Or the guy who’s working on a PR for his big race this weekend. What I am unaware of is how you can smell THIS bad and not know. Like the guy next to me today.

I’ve smelled seen him before, but today was extra funky. Dude, you’re a grown man. I know you got the “your body is changing” talk in middle school, along with a travel-size SpeedStick. That assembly wasn’t just an excuse to skip math class.

BO just landed himself on my gym shit list, with the likes of “Always Late to Zumba Zorianna” and "Uses Phone on Treadmill Tanya" (aren't my passive-aggressive names so creative?). Which guarantees that he’ll be getting lots of dirty looks - and not much else. I’ve never been good at confrontation. If my list gets much longer, it might be easier to just find a new gym.


Michele said…
LMAO... On a related note, I got in from my run this morning (followed by yoga- all on my own time, no one else stuck with my funkiness) and Peter wanted to cuddle. I gave it about 2 seconds andwas like "I STINK!" before I went to the shower. Because not only do I not like the BO of others but I dont like my own either!
Brigid said…
haha, when you can smell yourself, there's really nothing you can do but head for the shower.

But I bet even after your run and yoga you didn't smell half as bad as this dude!!
Marcia said…
Your passive agressive names reminded me of the old Garbage Pail Kids cards... (If you have no idea what I'm talking about, I totally just dated myself. LOL)
Brigid said…
Never heard of 'em, but just looked them up on wiki and they seemed pretty clever. Why do the best show ideas always get canned so quickly (hellooo, arrested development!)