Umbrella Etiquette

Can we get a class on this in the schools? Maybe it doesn’t merit a whole class. But a workshop, definitely. I’ll spearhead the campaign to start a workshop outlining how to walk with an umbrella when it’s raining out and everyone else on the sidewalk has an umbrella. I’ll even teach it. My rates are cheap. Listen up, kids.

It’s not even the kids who are the perpetrators. It’s the kids who grow up into damn adults with NO COURTESY for others. Like, I’m walking on my side of the sidewalk (don’t even get me started on the whole “keep right” rule that absolutely NO ONE follows; that's an entire rant post for another day), holding my umbrella close b/c it’s tight quarters. And this chick wants to walk by, distracted by her phone, plowing right into me. No courtesy lift of the umbrella, no ducking it to the side, no apologetic smile, nothing. I hope your phone gets permanent water damage.

It’s simple, really:

-Keep to the right side. On the sidewalk, on the stairs, up escalators, etc.

-Put your damn phone away. It’s raining all over the place, and you need to focus. It takes two hands to wrestle your umbrella against a big gust of wind.

-Tilt your umbrella to the side when a passerby approaches. Even if its just a flick of the wrist, more for appearance than actually doing anything. Courtesy counts.

-If there’s no one else on your side, and no street signs or sidewalk vendors, move the fuck over. 

-Stop carrying those huge-ass golf umbrellas. They’re annoying as shit to try and duck out of the way for, and they’re lethal weapons when you’re carrying them tucked under your arm.
the people carrying these are always oblivious to the fact that they have a giant metal spike protruding from behind them

-Get a raincoat w/ a hood and ditch the umbrella entirely. You’re on a crowded city sidewalk. 

Hopefully the sun comes out soon, b/c I can’t deal w/ this on the commute home. But by then I’ll be in such a good mood that it’s 5pm and I won’t even care.

Let’s look alive, Friday. You’re the only thing standing between me and Hawaii. Besides about 5,000 miles.


Michele said…
LMAO... These adults were the kids I had last night whom, as I was giving them candy for a good XC practice, didnt even say thank you!
Brigid said…
No "thank you?!" Those are still the magic words, haha. No candy w/out 'em!