X Factor Fail

I never got into American Idol. I blame it for springboarding Ryan Seacrest to stardom fame whoring, so I have a personal vendetta against it.

Against my better judgement, I’ll tune in for the auditions. Flip between while the real show I’m watching is on a commerical break, at least. Some of the people on there are certifiable. The open auditions of these shows literally invite crazy people off the streets and into the hearts of Americans. And people LOVE it.

Like this guy on the X Factor last night. He was INSANE. Like, for real. His backstory was that he was some vocal coach and he sang a duet w/ Britney Spears ten years ago. And OMG his luck just turned b/c who’s one of the new judges on X Factor? One Miss Britney Spears.

They do the whole sappy backstory, show a picture of this guy w/ Britney circa 2002 and expect him to, what exactly? Melt the hearts of millions? Puh-lease. I can’t believe this guy got past the 20-year old casting agents. He must have spun some web of lies. The minute I saw him on TV I knew there was something...off. He comes out and is already crying about seeing Britney again. Britney pauses and does some MAY-JAH acting; furrowing her brow, cocking her head, the whole “do I know you?” routine. You could tell the producer who briefed her on who this guy was and how she was supposed to get all sappy about him had given her the cliffs notes version, b/c I’m sure under normal circumstance, Britney follows directions so well, and would have really sold it.

This guy’s pouring his heart out, and I can’t tell if it’s the crying that’s affecting his voice, or if he has some sort of serious impairment. Simon isn’t buying it, either. Dude gives a speech on how he didn’t feel worthy when they sang together before, and he just wants to do right by Britney, and blah blah blah get on w/ the song already.

So then he gets on w/ the song already. Yikes. This guy was a vocal coach? And he worked w/ Britney? I can’t tell who should be more embarrassed, him or her.

And the crowd? Is eating that shit up! They pan across people clapping, whistling, wiping their eyes.

When he’s done, Britney cocks her head again and tries to manipulate her blank stare into actual concern. She observes that it seems like he’s been through some hard times in the ten years since she’s seen him. But that he’s just not quite what the X Factor is looking for. Simon seals the deal with his trademark snark and the guy’s 15 seconds are up. Cameras backstage catch him in a breakdown about how he didn’t meant to upset Britney.

Creep. Errrr.

Maybe I should have a little sympathy for this guy. But to be honest, I don’t know who’s worse off, him or Britney. Did anyone else notice the vacant stares and dopey smiles associated with not knowing what the hell is going on around you? What kind of drugs did her team jack her up on? Guess I’ll have to keep tuning into this trash to see the continued demise of America’s trainwreck sweetheart.


Stephy Marie said…
This season is the first season I've gotten into and it's ok! If the black guy in the wedding dress wins it, I might kill myself (just like when the dogs won America's Got Talent last week.)
I heard Britney has multiple personality disorder... explaining her crazy eyes.
Brigid said…
Was that the guy who sang Born This Way? haha, he was ouuuuut there, for sure.

I hope Brit-Brit isn't too crazy this season. I'm liking Demi so much more!